Monday, December 05, 2005

Better Living Through Pharmaceuticals


Sorry I didn't post yesterday. Recently, I went to the doctor and he said I can't take Claritin, Benadryl or Afrin for at least seven days. I'm having that allergy scratch test so I can go back on shots. Benadryl and Claritin screw up the test. I can't have Afrin just because I've been snorting too long. Now, I have so much pressure in my head I'm sure it is affecting barometric readings at our local weather station. I feel like CRAP.

You see, I'm a big fan of Better Living Through Pharmaceuticals. It is a belief system for me....something like politics or religion for other people. The doctor says "take of these a day and you will not get pregnant." WHOOPPEEEE...."take one of these a day and it will clear that cholesterol out right quick" HOT DAMN...."take a Claritin once a day and you will breath easier." I'M THERE!!!

These drugs do not require that I take any responsibility for myself. A pill does all the work for me. (I'm going to leave out Prozac since personal responsibility has nothing to do with depression). If I want to continue my eating habits, BULLY FOR ME!!! Lipitor will correct that. I don't want to demand that our dog be sent somewhere else to live....NO PROBLEM. Claritin will cure that marital discord in a jiffy.

So, I called in sick to work. I always feel guilty when I'm not productive. HIDEOUSLY GUILTY. I have to do laundry or something to make the guilt go away. Finally, however, I gave myself a break. I sit down to watch daytime TV. "Alias" is on in syndication. Cool. Love that show. Then, on comes Oprah. And the God came down from the heavens to SMITE me for staying home.....MARIAH CAREY IS ON THE SHOW. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...

Sadly, I have no access to Thorazine.


Blogger cmhl said...

girl, I am so much all about rx drugs, it isn't even funny.. believe me.

I come from a long line of medicators. If we couldn't sleep when we were kids, my mom would crush up a bufferin in a spoonful of coke. hahahah. oooooooooook....

9:08 AM  
Blogger Shrinking Violet said...

My mom had to HIDE the cough medicine because I just LOOOVEED the flavor. :-)

10:51 AM  
Anonymous surcie said...

Heh heh. Glad to hear you think as highly of MC as I do! I TiVoed Oprah and was quite disappointed to see Mimi (isn't that what she's calling herself these days?). This post is really funny.

Hope you feel better soon. Thanks for commenting on my site!

12:02 PM  

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