Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Fat and Happy?

As you know, I have blogged and commented a lot about my love/obsession of food. For the past, oh, year, I guess, it has been getting worse. MUCH WORSE. I joke about it...mostly because it is damn funny. And partly because I didn't know much else what to do. I mean, things were getting wayyyyyyyyy/wwwwweeeiiggghhhh out of hand.

Almost five months ago I stopped smoking. I was very cautious at first and lost about six pounds. But, then, it came all roaring back with the requisite ten pound addition. Then things got really weird. Can I just say "secret eating" and leave it at that?? This rapid addition to my size has rendered my closet useless with the exception of three pair of pants. Black, blue, and blue jean.

So, I went back to my psychiatrist (whom I lovingly refer to as my shrink) for some tuneup work. We reviewed the food thing. She has placed me on Topamax. This drug started off as an anticonvulsant. It was later found to help cluster headaches, bipolars, food disorders, etc., in few years it will probably be found to cure herpes and jock itch. Well, the nickname of this drug is Dopamax. It can cause side effects that include forgetfullness, sleepiness, etc. Today I've been in this post-turkey dinner kind of haze. Quite nice. Especially since I didn't have to eat an entire dutch oven full of turkey and corn bread dressing to get this feeling.

The night time binges have stopped. The other night I spilled some fabulous sauce on my shirt and I didn't even try to suck it off the fabric. But, I think that is the placebo effect right now. I'm not even up to the therapeutic dose right now. I cried last night about how much I wanted a cookie even though I didn't want a cookie (sick I know!). The long and short of it is that I don't know where the roller coaster is going to take me and apparently, some days I won't know why I'm even on the roller coaster. But I'll keep you all posted.

In the mean time, I'll post a picture of challah bread. I finally made this (completely by hand) at Thanksgiving. Yum!


Blogger wordgirl said...

That's some righteous-looking bread! If you can make that without killing the can do anything else you set your mind to.

4:32 PM  
Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Awesome bread!

Keep up the good fight. We all have weird issues with food. I feel like its a constant battle. I love to cook and I love to eat but I love to be a certain size too.

5:32 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

When you're ready for some new pants I have just the pair I'm willing to part with (posted about them today). ;-)

Gaining weight sucks ass. I'm struggling too. I'm on Premarin and I swear I've gained 12lbs because of it and I just can't seem to shake it.

Keep us posted on the medicine and I hope it works for you.

6:32 PM  
Blogger Ditsy Chick said...

Oh, to be able to cook.

I know something about the eating thing. I am glad you quit smoking and glas you sought help with the eating. I hope all goes well with both!

10:03 PM  
Blogger The Gradual Gardener said...

I have food issues too. I've been doing Weight Watchers for a couple of weeks now, and I'm down 4 pounds. A slow start, but it's something.

I'm typing this as I eat my measley little one-serving of oatmeal for breakfast. One-serving my ass! The cat gets bigger serving sizes than this!

Then again, the cat's overweight too.

5:17 AM  
Blogger Tink said...

That bread is ART hon! My Mom, Hoop, and I are quitting smoking on the 14th of next month. I'm really scared about the weight gain and mood swings. My Mom is going to acupuncture and the therapist there is specifically targeting suppressing her urge to overeat. Maybe that's something to look into?

6:32 AM  
Anonymous TB said...

Oh that sounds awful, hang in there with the Topamax. If it weren't for my food issues, I wouldn't have any issues at all. Okay that's totally not true, but eating tops the list ;o)

7:55 AM  
Blogger Arabella said...

YOU MADE THAT????????????

We at the Trattoria Breve are in need of a breadbaker. Want the job?

9:18 AM  
Blogger Shrinking Violet said...

Tink - nicotine patches and sugar free jolly rancher candy realllly help with the quitting smoking for me.

9:34 AM  
Blogger Tink said...

Violet: I remember you saying that before and went out and bought both :). I feel like I'm waiting to get my teeth pulled... Or my head drained lol. I don't know. Imagine something horrible.

11:06 AM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Is that bread real?? Challah challah!

I really empathize with the weight gain. I'm glad you know enough to see your shrink about it. Left to our own devices, I think women can get seriously depressed when faced with body image issues.

1:40 PM  
Blogger The June Cleaver Diaries said...

I have twins, so I'm convinced that the 15 pounds I can't lose is extra skin. Yuck. I went bra shopping yesterday and saw myself in a full-length mirror for the first time in over a year. Just for fun, I bent over while sucking my stomach in (why????). Nice that I got all skinny, but yuck that the skin sagged down about 5 inches. One should not have to roll and tuck one's flab in to the waistband of a pair of jeans.

11:03 AM  
Blogger CISSY said...

The sad thing is a week after my third child was born, I wore a size 5/7. Now well...let's just say it's double digits. But my goal is single digits again by the end of the year. I just had a quarter of a turnip, sliced for a snack.
Those of us with extra weight just have to unite and take over, after all they keep telling us there's a lot of us.

12:19 PM  
Blogger Brooke said...

Mmmmm...well when you can cook like that, who wants to diet?

But Go Violet!

3:49 PM  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

I'd like some of that bread...right now.

8:37 PM  
Blogger Plain Jane said...

C'mon over to with the rest of us whack jobs trying to control our eating habits. :D

10:18 AM  
Anonymous meglander said...

So I can totally relate to this blog. For the past few months I've had the food thing down to a science. Then last weekend I relapsed and it all started with cheese enchiladas. Now, I'm a monster. Yesterday was really bad. I was on the treadmill at the gym thinking about what I was going to eat when I left. Having said that, we need to do lunch soon. I miss you!

9:44 AM  
Anonymous Topamax Side Effects said...

My name is Mary Davis and i would like to show you my personal experience with Topamax.

I am 46 years old. Have been on Topamax for 30 days now. I would not take this for migraines. I've tried everything for migraines but this was by far the worst experience I've had with any medication. I'm sticking with my Imitrex injections.

I have experienced some of these side effects -
I had the tingling feeling in my hands and feet. But I also kept having memory issues. Friends kept teasing me and saying I was on Dopamax. I thought it would get better. One day I started having constant seizures and ended up in Neurology ICU for five days. Almost killed me! It wasn't until they had me completely off Topamax that I finally became coherent. I remember nothing while in the hospital ICU. I was totally out of it.

I hope this information will be useful to others,
Mary Davis

4:50 AM  

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