Saturday, March 11, 2006

Moving - Vol. 1 Issue 1

Okay, so the Man, the MRD and I are moving about four hours north of here at the end of May. It's the Packrats v. the Anal Rentitives. My sister-in-law once told me, it takes three big moves to get rid of all the crap that your husband has accumulated over time that is now worthless. And, I'm not talking about sentimental football jerseys. I'm okay with that...it's an excuse to go to the Container Store and by a proper storage box. We're talking about USELESS STUFF. The Man sometimes forgets that he does not live in the Depression Era. He also forgets that he is not mechanically inclined. So our garage has a bunch of stuff that is TRULY USELESS. He cannot fix or repair any of the items. Nor will he have any of them repaired. Let's face it, they've been in the garage for five years without being fixed. What's going to change that now? Here's the top ten list on my hit parade. It might get ugly. We might have to distract him with some kind of hunting trip where he leaves town or get him a shiney new toy. But I swear, these things are going to get thrown out, one way or another.

1. Golf shoes that do not fit.
2. Anchoring rope for a yacht.
3. Broken adding machine.
4. Broken 3-ton television.
5. Clothes that are two sizes too large or small, or have holes or stains.
6. Socks with holes.
7. A ten year old cell phone.
8. 10 years worth of hunting magazines.
9. Tangled fishing line.
10. 27 empty gatorade bottles.

If we can survive this without getting divorced, we can survive anything!

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

You're Invited

Shrinking Violet is thinking about throwing herself a shower. In less than 90 days, she, The Man and the MDR will be packing up and moving to a new city. Things are so disorganized, she now refers to herself in the third person. So, here's what she needs:

1. As much motivation as humanly possible. We're talking high school competitive cheerleading motivation levels. No need to wrap it, just send it.

2. Brain cells. She emailed her corporate helpdesk today and asked if they had any in the store room next to the mouses and keyboards. Sadly, they were fresh out.

3. Focus. The kind of laser beam focus brought about by a fist-full of ritalin.

4. Tranquilizer gun from Marlin Perkins on Mutual of Omaha's "Wild Kingdom". You see, lots of things are going on...the Kid is getting to graduate from high school, the in-laws 50th wedding anniversary, me traveling back and forth to the home office, etc. An unfortunate side effect is that the Man's bi-polar is a highly manic right now. I'd like to just give him a tranquilizer used on the average rhino that would put him him down during this transition (except for the graduation and 50th anniversary part). Then wake him up when we are in our new place. But don't poke at him because he'll be cranky!

Okay, so if you could throw yourself a shower, what would you ask for?

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Truism?

"That which does not kill me makes me stronger." All I can say is that shit better be true. Because if that which does not kill me only leads me to ulcers, premature graying, a loss of collagen and elasticity in my skin, and an early death, I'm going to be really pissed.
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